Confessions of a Bad Submssive

Last weekend I had a not so pleasant conversation with Sir; he gave me that look. In essence I was coming clean. I am going to have to have another one of those not-so-pleasant conversations with Sir, and surprise surprise I am not looking forward to it.

His reaction will be cool, calm, and collected, as always when handling something of a more serious nature, so that isn’t bothering me. What is eating away at me, is the fact that I need to talk to him, and what that means. This is me over-analyzing:

Last week it came to my attention that one of my orgasms didn’t completely belong to Sir. It was spurned by someone else, and normally that wouldn’t be a problem. Normally, I’d tell Sir exactly what turned me on – exactly why I needed him so urgently. Last week, I didn’t. Sir let me have my way, and I was wildly appreciative. It was only later that I realized a piece of that release was held back from him, and I had some guilt.

I reached out to him immediately, and all should have been well. Except this one little thing kept nagging me. I liked it. I want more of this outside force, and that is where the wheels really started turning in my head. I need to understand why. Is there something missing between Sir and I? The fact that I posed the question – scares me.

It was sometime yesterday that I realized just how much I am betraying Sir. Not because I have done something truly wrong, but because instead of going to him with my thoughts and feelings immediately I have let them stew. I have analyzed and analyzed some more, which isn’t in itself bad, but as a submissive I should be handing all of these thoughts over to Sir. I am ashamed to say that I still haven’t, and to some extent it has thrown my submission for a loop. I don’t know why something so small has turned in to something bigger.

I will add one more infraction. I have every intention on continuing in my wayward ways until I talk to Sir tomorrow. When I am sure he will look at me like this,

in a way that makes me wet and quake with submissive fear, as he decides just what to do with me.

With a slight hope that he allows me to continue on.

There. I feel a little better already. Writing truly is therapeutic.

Happy Endings

Because I always find awesomeness perusing WordPress, today I found this little nugget of writing wisdom at Ali Whippe. I started going nuts looking for a piece of literature I read last week, but could not for the life of me remember the name of it. So I started rummaging through my professional development bag, and when I found it said AHA!! Giddyly I walked/ran back upstairs to pen this post, and share with you all the work of Margaret Atwood. If you haven’t read the short story Happy Endings you should…. like right now… as soon as you finish reading Tab A, Slot B.

 

Now, as for Mrs. Atwood’s genius you can read it here

p.s. the true nugget is found after F, but enjoy the ride.

 

The Joy of Blogging

I was actually nervous about logging on today. It had been so long, and I yet again felt like I have betrayed the few readers that I had by going dark yet again. Imagine my joy and surprise to find that this blog hit records while I was gone. (Is that really good or really sad?)

There is such joy in coming back to a place where I can write. It has been far too long since I have let my creative juices flow. So hoping stifling them for so long hasn’t made them dry out.

 

Cheers to blogging again!

Thank you Sir, but that was rude!

Yesterday I was mid-full-on-fantasy-mode. I had waited patiently for my Tuesday, only to have it ruined by quite the forceful fiancee.

Here is some background…One of my favorite bloggers had written part one of yummy tale. He is really good at what he does, leaving many a submissive all wanton. The best part, I wast late to the party of part one and part two, was right behind. 🙂 I like not having to wait, but I digress. You see I had a date. Tuesday, was my day to play with my DP.  Some technical issues kept me from enjoying my DP, but alas we were able to have some fun. (Me, my favorite dildo, and my hitachi had SO much fun)

I wasn’t done with my DP though, when Jackson came home. I knew I would have to get back to reality when he and my son came home, get back to the domestic life for the night. Surprise though, my son wasn’t with him. I gleefully returned to my play with the DP, when I was attacked. I wanted to mind, but when there is a hand wrapped around your neck one tends to get lost in the moment.

It was a good moment, that turned into many moments, that turned into a really long night. When I woke this morning, bruised, and sore I looked at my Dom and said thank you. Then let him know rude he was for interrupting my long awaited internet fuck with my DP. Some people show now regard for others!

Author Anger

Do you write reviews? I spend too much time on amazon I always read the reviews, but I never write them. The need simply wasn’t there until now.

Never in my life have I come to resent an author. I feel led on, betrayed, and as if I have been slapped in the face by failed expectation.

The Crossfire Series by Sylvia Day was supposed to be a trilogy. I am not sure what the thing is with trilogies these days as if people can’t simply write one book anymore, but honestly I welcome the continuation of a story when it is necessary. A lot of times when I am finished with a book I find myself missing the characters, but the truth is eventually the story has to end.

I read the first two books of this trilogy, and I loved them. They were right up my girly alley. Then I waited for December to come to read the last book Entwined With You. It was pushed back time and time again. Then when I get it, I get this piece of crap book. I am pretty sure with an awesome editor I could have written that book, maybe even better.

There is a certain rhythm to books, we all know it. Different variations of starting, different variations of middle, but a vital part of a book is the climax. It happens at different spots, but there should always be at least one climax that is resolved. A moment to let the reader get all built up and invested, and then something to let the reader breathe, and say ‘ah, all will be okay–for now’.  Sometimes there is a climax, with a cliffhanger that sends the reader into another book. What you don’t do, is give readers nothing but a boring two week look into a fictional characters life, with no climax, and no resolution. What you don’t do is decide that your readers are complete idiots and don’t know crappy literature when they read it. What you don’t do is decide that your wallet is more important that your loyal readers and say screw them all, you can wait.

Such shameful disappointment. Now I need an excellent new book to read so I can quit being pissed about this one.

A Submissive Reaction

Late last night, or early this morning rather I couldn’t sleep. I perused websites, and finally went to my e-mail where a piece of fiction was waiting for me. I read it almost hungrily, and when I was done a spark was lit and I wanted more.

Throughout the day new pieces found their way into my inbox. Each one bringing a sense of excitement and anticipation with its arrival. Leaving me with more want, and a feel of pure greed at the end.

What struck me about my reading is just how strong of an attraction is felt between a submissive and a Dominant. It is like we are drawn to them in any form, even the fictional ones. I am reading about this faceless, nameless, man. I know that he is commanding. I know that he is patient. I know that he has that voice. With those three things, I am in. I am there, I am with him and his budding sub, watching them evolve. The seduction is intoxicating.

Then in the midst of the story the Dom said two little words that sent me spiraling. “Good girl” It seems that when those two words are spoken by a Dom as a sub, I react. Whether they are said to me or not. I feel grateful, pleased,humbled, and happy that whomever is hearing them has pleased her Sir to the point that he felt inclined to utter those two words. It is such a submissive reaction.

I Am SO excited! and I just can’t hide it!

Tonight is bittersweet. Sometimes I so ashamed of this love that I have. I just can’t help myself. So in exactly thirty minutes I am going to go wild with a bunch of pre-teens and teenagers, and their guardians for the night and I am going to see Bella be a hot vampire. I am going to watch her have hot vampire sex with her husband, and  I am going to watch her be a mom that would give everything to ensure her child’s safety.

I am practically bouncing off the walls in anticipation.