Pick a Dom, Any Dom

As a submissive you are putting your life into a Dominant’s hands, and that can be downright trickyscarydangerousandfuckedup. I was lucky enough to be introduced to BDSM by my first real boyfriend Mike. Throughout the first couple of years of high school I was a pretty good girl. Then Mike came along becoming my best friend, my first Dominant, and eventually the man that stood next to me as I married my husband.

Mike turned me out.

My life has never been the same since meeting him. At the time he had a basic knowledge of BDSM. I was green. The more he showed me, the more I fell in love with him and this lifestyle. We were going strong exploring the BDSM as teenagers.  Then tragedy struck in my life, and while he tried to stay strong for me, we couldn’t make it work anymore as a couple.

We were young and dumb. I still didn’t understand that for me, I wasn’t just “playing a role”. That my submissiveness was a part of who I was, and not something that could simply be turned off when a relationship ended. Cue sub-drop of epic proportions. I can’t even begin to explain how dark that time was in my life. Mike and I remained friends, and he thank goodness suggested that maybe we continue the BDSM side of our relationship. In my head that simply softened the blow of not being together anymore. I didn’t realize that I NEEDED to submit. Which is why, when I was truly no longer in love with Mike I thought I could just stop submitting to him as well. We really were dumb. We started seeing other people, and the D/s stopped for us.

Another disaster, but this time, I couldn’t go back to him and kneel. I was lost. I remember getting on Fetlife and looking for a Dominant. I was going through that nasty nasty thing called sub-frenzy. Except I didn’t know it. I went through Dominant after Dominant giving myself emotional scars along the way. Not knowing what I needed, but simply that I wasn’t getting it.

Enter my dashing mentor. He served a similar purpose as to what ( Insert name here.. I really have to start learning some names) talks about in his Bigger Brother post. He helped me. He recognized my frenzy for what it was. He gave me the Dominance that I needed to be strong. He helped me understand my feelings; helped me understand what I wanted and needed from a Dominant; helped me understand that my thoughts were valid. That being submissive didn’t mean that I had to simply do whatever I was told by any Dominant, but that I had to find the right Dominant for me. For a while I really wanted that to be him. Sidebar:

I remember being in a hotel room with him after he’d provided me with my first anal orgasm. My gosh my body remembers that moment so well. He wanted to push me more. So we went to shower, and that night I ended up having my first and last golden shower. What still touches me about him, is that he didn’t allow me to simply say. I don’t like that lets move it to the hard limit side. He made me explore WHY I didn’t like it. I remember the Ah Ha! moment I had when it finally dawned on me that I do not enjoy feeling truly dirty. I don’t enjoy humiliation. It doesn’t make me feel good about submitting, but it sucks all the joy out of it for me.

It was little and/or big things/conversations like that that enabled me to become a stronger submissive. He let me know it wasn’t selfish or un-sub of me to know and ask for what I wanted. Now… truth be told because of that it took me a little longer to find the right Dominant for me. It was hard work, and there were some bumps along the way. A few relationships that still failed, but even those were more meaningful. My connection with those Doms were strong.

This writing all came about because as I was reading last night I came across a post where the writer relayed a conversation she had with a new submissive. In the conversation the newbie said something along the lines of ‘relationships are two way streets, don’t I get to pick him too’. Then this newbie was told NO. That she was simply to present herself, and if a Dom wanted her, then she would need to respond accordingly. That shattered me, and I politely disagreed. We as submissives are not meat to be picked over  as if meat on the the market. We have every right to choose our Dominants just as they choose us.

(Now, in a sort of Fetlife disclaimer if you are the type of subby to want that meat market style of life then so be it) However, not all of us are meant for that. Just life not all of us are meant to be 24/7 slave. So for those newbies, explore yourself first, and/or find a mentor to help your explore before you go off searching for a Dominant.

Never do you want to be in a position where you simply picking a Dom, any Dom, because your life is in the palm of their hand.

With all that said my experience was my own. I’d like to hear your thoughts on the matter. There should be a comment button somewhere down there… or up there maybe.

 

Name Calling

What I was going to write, reminded me of an awful Rihanna song that I hate.  So now I can’t write it. I will just get to the point.

Today he called me a sex-starved-nympho. (Whose fault is that???)

Then he called me a cock-hungry-whore. (Again whose fault is that???)

I feel the normal response to such insults should be anger, or something of the sort. Me, I am just totally turned on because he yelled those words at me whilst I was restrained, enduring one of the best spankings I have had in a really long time. Today was a good day.

What Kind of Sex Was That?

Thursday night if you are regular reader you know was the premier of Breaking Dawn pt. 2 and I went. You also know that before the movie I was conflicted with my feelings of glee and apprehension. Glee because the year had passed so quickly and this date finally came. Apprehension because this was the final movie, and it was going to be all over after.

I watched in awe, and horror, and many other emotions, and when it was over, I kissed one of my girlfriends good night and got my in car. I was struggling with my feelings like an idiot I know. —-Sidenote, am I the only one that has a serious issue using hands free in the car. It is all good when I dial from my phone, but as far as dialing from the car itself i.e.”call dad home” gave me something completely different, and called someone’s whose number should honestly be deleted from my phone I couldn’t hit the end button fast enough—–back to story. I called another friend that didn’t get to come with us. In the middle of that conversation Jackson called. “You on your way home?”

“Yes two minutes out.”

“What is wrong?”

“It is all over?”

“The movie?”

“Yes” I could hear his sharp inhale through the phone, and him shaking his head at me.

“There is something wrong with you”

“I know, I’d like a Captain standing at attention to fix me.” he chuckled.

“Demanding, I think you are a sex addict.” I gasped on cue to that rude comment such allegations. “Is that you pulling in?”

“Yes sir.” I know that made him smile 🙂 “If I was a sex addict I would have had my hand down someones pants at the theater.”

“You would have if you didn’t have me to stop you.”

“You weren’t there.” I say walking in the door.

“Baby, I am always there.” he says turning to smile at me. We hang disconnect the calls, and I head up stairs. I did my nightly routine and headed to bed in my tank and one of my fave pairs of boy shorts. ( hey ladies do you have your fave pairs of panties? I am sure I am not the only one, and different faves for different things..I digress)  I grabbed my compy to write a little bit before the night was over. I wrote to you guys. My feelings were all over the place, because of a movie. I am the first to admit that is a bit crazy, but it is what it is. I finished up, tucked my laptop away. Jackson joined me in our room.

“How I am a sex addict?”

“I am no psychologist, but when you use a proxy like alcohol, drugs…sex to deal with your feelings. Think about it, happy sex, angry sexy, bored sex, morning sex, sex when you can’t sleep, sex before a big proposal and your nerves are shot, Lola has needs sex. You should really use your words instead of my cock all the time”

“Who are you and what you have done with my man?”

“He is still here, and willing to serve you, simply stating a fact.” That made me grin, I quickly moved to straddle him. gyrating slow and hard against him. The perfect lovely feeling of him growing beneath me. His hands moving up my thighs, under my shirt and to my breasts, squeezing them, my nipples finding their way between his fingers as he applied pressure. Moans escaping my lips, the look in his eyes instantly making me wet. THAT look, that makes everything in the world disappear into oblivion.

I pulled back from his touch and moved down the bed a bit, pulling his boxers with me. Releasing my sgt, standing so brilliantly, waiting for me. He sat up on his elbows watching my move back towards him.

“He is all yours” he said.

“Well how kind of you dear…. so I can do this…” I said taking his cock in my hand, stroking it, feeling it, the smoothness, the firmness, the ripples, each vein that screams power of anatomy, power over me, perfection even in the slight curve,  the tip, calling out to my tongue, ahh I love the way he feels in my mouth. Without a fight I give in and my tongue caresses the tip. A sweet bead of what is to come inviting me for more. My tongue slides up and down his shaft, mixed with kisses of adoration. I try to bid my time teasing him but I can’t take it anymore and one slip and he is inside my mouth, sliding down the back of my throat. My lips close around him. I suck hard, my tongue moving against him as I suck. He tastes good.

As I start to move faster, getting caught up in the way he feels inside me, he stops me. His hands gripping my hair brutally.

“That is enough.” in that tone.

Immediately humbled, and saddened that I had to stop, “yes sir” I squeaked. He got up and walked to the chest. I smiled big.

“On your knees ass in the air” I moved quickly and obediently. I saw the silver plug when he set it down next to me. yaaa I thought. His hand caressed my bottom as suddenly he pushed a finger  inside my pussy. mmm slowly he started fucking me with his fingers, adding a second, and then a third. My hips moving with his fingers. I don’t know when he stopped massaging my ass, but when his hand returned to my left cheek it came with burning fire.

“AH!”

“Don’t count I want you quiet.”

His fingers disappeared from my pussy, and I felt the wetness right there as his finger moved slowly into my ass, massaging my insides.  “Mmm”

“Don’t make me have to gag you”

“Yes sir”

He continued in the same way he did with my pussy adding a second finger, and finally a third stretching me before stopping and inserting the cold plug. With the pleasure came the pain. Each hand rained down on me in succession. One after the other. Leaving my ass burning and stinging more than the last time. My teeth clenched trying so hard not to make a sound.

The bed sank a bit with added weight, and I felt him on me. Against my sweaty back. He kissed my shoulder. “Not a sound”

damnit damnit damnit ooooo yes That perfect hardness slid inside me, inch by god given inch. Filling me, stretching me, so good. When he started to move faster, sliding in and out of me I started to lose it much too quickly in my opinion. How can he expect me to be quiet through this? I closed my teeth around the flesh in my arm as I started to reach, and as I finally came he pulled the plug out and I died. I felt that special warmth of his. My head heavy, hit the bed, and I started to catch my breath. what kind of sex was that? I thought silently. Can I talk now? Better not…

 

 

Missing my Dom

I was sitting in bed reading when he came in. He sat at the foot of the bed quietly taking his shoes off.

“You okay sweetie?”

“Tired,” he said shortly. I was suddenly ashamed of myself. I was watching the shirt come off of his shoulders. As he stood to drop his pants, I was staring at the muscles in his back. Ugh, he is tired, and his body is turning me on. When he sat back down folding his shirt, I moved to sit behind him. on my knees.

“I miss you,” I said kissing his neck, wrapping my arms around him.

“You had me this morning.”

“No, I mean I miss the other you. I miss my Sir, I miss my Dom.” He turned to look at me.

“He hasn’t gone anywhere. An appropriately timed hiatus.”

“I know but the hiatus is killing me, “I said pressing my teeth into his neck.

“Getting bored with vanilla?”

“No I like it all you know that, I just want all of you. Think of it as withdrawals, I am going through Dom withdrawals.”

“Hands and knees.” My heart began pounding instantly. I moved quickly to the floor assuming the instructed position. “Don’t make a sound.

I couldn’t hide the huge grin on my face as he lifted my night gown, and his palm came swiftly against my bare derriere.

Who The Hell Are You?

For the first time today I cam across a blog that I didn’t like. Actually I think I came across a blogger I didn’t like. It was one of those moments where you can’t stop reading. Not because you love it, but you are so appalled. It started with a comment on a blog that I’ve quickly come to love.

The comment said “you wasted your time writing this. Should have reposted [my thoughts on this subject. By the way,  so everyone can read my blog here is the url] After picking my mouth up off of the hardwoods. I just got a little pissed off.

Who the hell are you to tell someone what they should or should not post on their blog.It is theirs to do what they please. I understand discussing a matter, disagreeing with a post, all of these are common human interactions. To tell someone that writing what was going on in their mind was a “waste of time.” AHHHH This has been nagging me since I read it (see the emotional monster continues)

So curiosity got the best of me, and I followed the link to this presser’s blog. More of the same attacking people and their blogs, with links as to what blogs they were attacking.  What A BITCH. I am not really one to call anyone else names. I just couldn’t believe it. My goodness they need a spanking. They need to be restrained, and fucked, and fucked, and fucked, until they are taught some manners.

So in closing of my rant I will say this. I thought this was a place where people appreciated each other sharing what is on their mind. Or they did the decent thing like someone taught them, and if they didn’t have anything good to say they didn’t say anything at all.

I’d like to personally thank my followers, and everyone else who have visited my humble virtual abode. Thank you for not coming in and complaining about the texture of my carpet, or the shade on my walls, or the length of my drapes. Thanks for coming, chatting with me, leaving words of encouragement, or telling me that you will agree to disagree. Thank you for not telling me that my feelings are a waste of time.

For all of those that I follow, thanks for posting the pics you do. Thanks for writing the musings that come to you. Thanks for sharing what you did last night. I appreciate it. So much so this little sub here would have no problem begging for you to continue. So please do. It would be a shame to make me beg.

Dear Fellow Submissives

Do you ever do things purposely you know will get your D going? For some reason I feel it is against Sub rules, but I do enjoy it. Here is how it went:

Yesterday I was watching 50/50. There were a few moments in the movie where I came pretty close. The thing is I don’t cry. Funeral, extreme pain yea, but instigated by a movie? I don’t cry.  Then later I was watching the Change-Up, (seriously how many times can they do Freaky Friday?) but that movie almost got me going too. He was reading, while I was watching. So I am talking to Jackson, and I tell him how emotional I am being.

“I’ve felt like crying on and off all day, I am such a pussy sometimes. I thought maybe I needed a spanking, but you already gave me one today.”

He looked up from his book, raising his eyebrow. “You are a pussy. I happen to like that about you.” I gave him a half smile and went back to watching the movie. “Well you aren’t pms’ing.”  he started a few moments later.

“I know. I find it mildly disturbing that you keep better track of my period than I do.”

“I find it mildly disturbing that you don’t keep track of your period like I do.”

“If it’s not broke…” I trailed off, and went back to the movie. He left the room and when he came back he was holding my red collar and leash smiling. I looked at him and shook my head. He walked over to me, and placed the leash around the back of my neck, pulling my head towards his crotch. Looking up at him I shook my head no at him again.  He frowned down at me and released me. Then his frown moved to a grin. “What are you smiling about?” I asked.

“You practically ask me for sex, and then you say no.”

“You find that amusing?”

“I do today, that and I don not believe it is wise to push you right now.”

“You know what I think is funny?”

“Do tell.”

“I said ‘no’, and you didn’t do shit about it. Who’s the pussy now?” I grinned at him. His eyes, did that thing they do. What did I just do? I thought to myself

“Well in that case…” he trailed off in that tone, that made my pussy insta-wet.

So, I am wondering. Do other submissives do things to provoke that look and that tone?

Day~15 and 16

Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.

This to me is exactly like Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

Therefore I am going to go on to Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

Right now the only thing difficult is keeping that aspect of my relationship secret. Next week when my son comes home, it will be very difficult. Trying to keep quiet, trying to make sure that the toy drawers are always kept secret. Six year old’s tend to think that everyplace is theirs to explore.  Although I am happy he is coming back, I am saddened by the lull that is to come in my BDSM life.

Now before I found the perfect man for me( do I need to make a statement about no one being perfect?). The most difficult part was having to find someone. I am a sub, and I opinionated as hell. I am quite independent and I have found that it is difficult for some men to date me. Shrugs. I am kind of picky too, in general. So add on trying to find a man  that meets all my criteria, and then trying to ensure he is Dom without being all PLEASE SPANK ME

Before I found him I used to wish I could be content without it. I wished that I could be vanilla. So I wish to say to those that may feel as I did. There is someone out there for you 🙂 Cheesy and corny I know, but I swear it is true.