Trouble

I am up writing because I can’t sleep. I can’t sleep because a friend just told me he had sex with his ex-gf last month. Then last week he ate her out and fucked her tits. His words not mine.

Logically, none of this should matter to me. I know that. The trouble is, it does. I got physically hot when the surprise wore off from the first revelation, and he told me about last week. Not ooo sexy hot, but what I am guessing is anger hot. I shouldn’t be angry. I am. I shouldn’t feel any of the things I am feeling right now, betrayal, hurt, disgust, frustration… I keep seeing them together, it plays in my head over and over and my god this sucks.

I see him slamming into her in a heated rush. I see her back arched in ecstasy as he does. I hear her screaming his name as he pushes her over the edge with tongue. I see his cum shooting onto her chest and face, and all of it, all of it makes me sick.

Sick. Sick. Sick.

I don’t know what my problem is, but I can feel it. It is trouble.

The worst part of all of this, is I swear our relationship has been off a bit since last month.  Yes. Trouble.

Tuesday are so Awesome

There are a few reasons why Tuesday is high on my list of favorite days of the week. In random order Tuesdays is considered “Two for Tuesday” by many in the Houston area, for me is Touch Yourself Tuesday, and then in this wonderful blogger world we have TMI Tuesday.  I’ve decided to sort of combine them all in this post.

Two for Tuesdays is the weekly funhouse at the R&B radio station here in Houston. They play two songs of an artist back to back, all day long. It is  a lot of fun because you often to get hear music no longer in rotation, or sometimes even some songs that were never in rotation. How many times do you hear a song by artist you haven’t heard from in a long time, which reminds you of another you like? Well on Two for Tuesday you get to hear them both! I love it. Can you tell?

So keeping in line with Two for Tuesday, whilst doing TMI Tuesday, I will be give you two sets of responses. One of which is mine, and the other a male buddy of mine. His answers are bold, mine are italic.  Here we go…

1. Answer Yes or No:
I Regret My First Kiss: No No
I Miss My First Love: No, No, he is still an active part of my life.
I Married My First Love : No, No we could never work long term as more than friends and lovers, funny how that something can be missing.
I Loved Someone That Didn’t Love Me: Yes, Yes, however it was only momentary, once I figured out that he didn’t feel the same I was done.

2. Do you consider yourself monogamous or polyamorous or some other category which you will explain or define for us now?

Monogamous, Monogamous, I could never have an actual relationship outside of my marriage. Can I say that even though I am not married yet? Now my future hubby has once before been pushy with me; encouraging me to have sex with one of my female friends. I think if I expressed the desire to do it again he would be all for it. On the other hand he would probably drop me like piece of molten glass if I dared the same with a male. When it comes to him he can look, but he better not consider touching. I feel like that is the doorway to all things damaging to a relationship.

3. Your partner is in the mood for sex and you are tired – what do you do?
a. Start snoring. There is no way I’m giving it up tonight.
b. Trade. You give me a massage… and we will see…
c. That would never happen!

B, B, I would never start snoring, that is just rude and inconsiderate. I do have times where I don’t want to be touched. When that happens I don my PJ’s that tell him just that. Usually he respects that, however, there have been times where I’ve been wearing my don’t touch me PJ’s and  he ignores them. At that point I sort of realize that he apparently needs me more than I don’t want him, and I let him have his way with me. It isn’t miserable, a quickie that leaves him sated, and all is well.

4. Does your partner mind if you masturbate, in bed, when they are there?

No, No, but I am only allowed to do it on Tuesdays. On those days it is simply a part of foreplay.

5. Describe your typical sexual romp:
a. You are playful and tame
b. You have occasionally introduced a few things like outfits and toys
c. You love trying new things and shocking your partner

B, B, This was a process of elimination. Even as a submissive I would never consider myself tame sexually, so A is out.  C, sounded good, I do love trying new things, but I can’t think of the last time I shocked Jackson. I think doing wiitwd especially on the subbie side, truly shocking is sort of hard to achieve. Maybe I should try though eh???

Bonus: What was your best ever masturbation experience. Why was it the best? Describe

The male friend and I were in debate about this answer. I only consider masturbation, masturbation if you are the one stimulating yourself. He disagreed, he considers a hand job masturbation as well, so here is here answer: “when i hadnt cum in over a month and i was jerked off in bed. i drenched her”  I immediately thought WTF  a month??? WHYYYYY, but I contained myself, that is none of my business. Since I didn’t get that information, I can’t forward it on to you.

My best ever happened to be last week. I believe there is something about someone you can’t have. What is it about the forbidden fruit? Last Tuesday I was expertly teased by my doppelganger Mari. I ended up taking a late lunch due to the long distance fun we had all morning with our words. However, that private time I had in my car was amazing, and totally unforgettable. I don’t know if it was the build up of tension, or the fact that I parked on a lower level than usual, with much more foot traffic, I don’t know why it was the best. It was one hell of an intense orgasm, that made much too big of a mess, and has me smiling just at the memory.

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What is the tell?

In my previous post The Invisible Ring I talked about Mr. Nguyen somehow within a business lunch figured out that I am a submissive. It has been nagging at me. I can’t pick out a Dom, not really. There are certain characteristics and personality traits that tend to go hand in hand with a dominant man. I can’t say though that without them making it known that I can really tell.

This guy though, could tell. He knew exactly what to say, how to touch me, how close to stand, how to approach me to make my body react in a way that was most unpleasant. So  I am wondering what everyone else thinks. To the subbies, do you know of certain tells you have? To the Dom’s what do you see that lets you know “that one will do whatever I ask?”