What Makes Him Sexy

I know, I know, it could be a long list, I get it. I just want to add one, that hits me like a brick wall sometimes.

Today was an odd day for me I had to stay late at work and Jackson picked up my baby boy from school. Maybe I should stop calling him my baby boy he is six. Anyway, when I got home with dinner I expected to hear “mama!” and my sons excitement from my arrival. I expected him to come running at me telling me what happened at school today. He didn’t, None of those things happened. I admit there was the smallest bit of regret for not being there to pick him up, when he didn’t greet me. Yet, I sat everything down on the kitchen island, and walked through the house looking for my boys. What I found was much more than a mom could ever ask.

When I found them, my son was sitting at his desk, doing his homework, frustrated at a math problem. Jackson was sitting on the desk, patient as ever, telling my son that not everything was going to be easy for him. That once he does it over and over again, he will be proud of himself that he did it, told him to try it again.

I moved out of the door way, and listened for a moment in the hall. “Is it twelve? he asked. I am guessing Jackson nodded because I just heard a “Yes!”

That brought the biggest smile to my face, and made me want to cry at the same time. I know they have their time together, and I know Jackson thinks of my baby as his own. To see it though, the raw moment of him being a father to my son. Not only did it make me love him so much more, but it just turned me on. That is what sexy looks like, not only the man he is, but the father he is.

I think I take that part of him for granted. When I was dating I immediately wanted to know how a guy felt about my mommy status. I never wanted to waste my time with men who were afraid of the challenge. The kid and I were a package. You couldn’t have one without the other.

I remember my heart stopped the first time my son called him daddy. It just came out while we were out shopping one day. The kid saw an ice cream cart,”daddy I want ice cream.” I will never forget it.  My eyes I am sure flew out of my head. Jackson didn’t flinch. He just took his hand and they left my sitting on the bench, checking my receipt. I will have to find a special way to thank Jackson for all that he is to me and my baby. He has given me everything I ever could have wanted.


There are two phones that live on his night stand. The one that he uses all the time, and the other one. The “emergency” one. I ABHOR the “emergency” phone. Let me tell you why: 30 minutes ago I was in my office. I was paying bills, and confirming reservations for this coming week. He came in and sat in the big comfy chair in the corner. I looked up, just seeing him makes me smile.

“How was your nap?” I inquired.

“Good, what are you up to?”

“Ensuring the lights stay on. Making sure everything is set for Tuesday. If we get bumped from the ocean view side again I will murder someone.”

“That will make everyone’s Fourth. My mother will really love you then.” he replied sarcastically.

I laughed softly, irked by the thought of his mother. “What’s up babe?”

“Nothing, just watching you work.”

Finishing the last bill, I logged out, closed my lap top, and strutted over to him. He was wearing his red Saturday boxers. I dropped to my knees in front him. I raised my hands to his chest, felt the smooth firmness of his muscles. Moving down, my hands rolled over his abs. I inhaled deeply, slowly letting my breath out. My god just sitting, he makes me want him and he knows it.

“Take me to bed,” I pleaded coming to a stand.

He stood, smiling, “yes maam” he replied, making me giggle.

“I may get used to this “yes maam” thing”, I said as he picked me up.

“Don’t get too used to it,” he warned. I yelped as he slapped my ass.

“Never” I said, wrapping my legs around him before kissing him as he carried me up the hallway to our room. He sat me on the bed, and I began to take my tank off. Suddenly the phone rang. My head hung. He put up a finger silently requesting me to hold, and went to answer it. As I listened to the short conversation, I slipped my tank back over my head. When he disconnected the call, he looked at me.

“Emergency” he said, kissing me on the forehead before walking to the closet.

“But I have an emergency” I pouted.

“That pussy of yours is always in a state of emergency.” He grinned.

I laughed, watching him dress, “I can’t exactly disagree with that, but it’s not my fault.”

“Of course not, it always comes back to me.”

“Arrogant ass!” I yelled  as he headed downstairs. I trailed after him.

“You love my arrogant ass!” He yelled back. I rolled my eyes at his reply.I love almost everything about him.

He grabbed his keys “hurry home sweety” I said missing him already.

“I always hurry home to you,” he said turning towards me. Leaning in he kissed me, not a goodbye kiss, but an “I need you as much as you need me and I want you to know it” kiss. My legs felt as if they were about give out, as his hands cupped and squeezed me behind. Then he was gone. Now I am here writing, and wanting.

I ABHOR the “Emergency” phone.


to read more. . . Emergency After Math Part 1

When all the LOVE in the world isn’t enough.

There is an awful ache resonating through my head, my throat, my gut, and most of all my heart. It aches because I have so much love for a man. Yet love isn’t enough.

Our story matched so many others, friends quickly turning to lovers. When we didn’t work I felt as if I were split in two. Agonizing pain constantly reverberated through me. I needed to get over him, and I thought the only way to do that was to cut off all ties. So I tried, and I failed.

I needed comfort. Who else was going to help me if I didn’t have my best friend? Sure enough he was there, in need of comfort too. So we comforted each other. Have you ever had breakup sex? A connection filled with longing, remorse, hurt, love and comfort. In that comfort we decided then that our relationship as friends could survive our heartbreak if we willed it to. I am so happy that it has.

This relationship has been by far one of the most fulfilling parts of my life. We have seen each other through life. hookups, breakups, marriages, and divorces. A mutual constant in each others lives

Occasionally I wake in his bed, or find him wrapped around me in mine. That is where I find my bliss, and start to reflect.

It is in reflection of this amazing relationship full of unconditional love that I think about how happy this man makes me. How I could never picture life without him. How much I need him here by my side. More so how much he feels the same about me.

Then the ache begins, because all that love, all the love in the world isn’t enough.