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I was actually nervous about logging on today. It had been so long, and I yet again felt like I have betrayed the few readers that I had by going dark yet again. Imagine my joy and surprise to find that this blog hit records while I was gone. (Is that really good or really sad?)
There is such joy in coming back to a place where I can write. It has been far too long since I have let my creative juices flow. So hoping stifling them for so long hasn’t made them dry out.
Cheers to blogging again!
Yesterday I was mid-full-on-fantasy-mode. I had waited patiently for my Tuesday, only to have it ruined by quite the forceful fiancee.
Here is some background…One of my favorite bloggers had written part one of yummy tale. He is really good at what he does, leaving many a submissive all wanton. The best part, I wast late to the party of part one and part two, was right behind. 🙂 I like not having to wait, but I digress. You see I had a date. Tuesday, was my day to play with my DP. Some technical issues kept me from enjoying my DP, but alas we were able to have some fun. (Me, my favorite dildo, and my hitachi had SO much fun)
I wasn’t done with my DP though, when Jackson came home. I knew I would have to get back to reality when he and my son came home, get back to the domestic life for the night. Surprise though, my son wasn’t with him. I gleefully returned to my play with the DP, when I was attacked. I wanted to mind, but when there is a hand wrapped around your neck one tends to get lost in the moment.
It was a good moment, that turned into many moments, that turned into a really long night. When I woke this morning, bruised, and sore I looked at my Dom and said thank you. Then let him know rude he was for interrupting my long awaited internet fuck with my DP. Some people show now regard for others!
Due to a particular email I received in response to a previous post. I got to thinking about how I ask for sex. In the post, I literally ask, but that is a rare occurrence. I was that nice because he was sleep, and in that situation I am making a request. Granted, though, I would never expect him to completely turn me down, I guess he has the option. Nevermind no he doesn’t.
Usually though, my requests aren’t really requests. Just a quick flirty text, to let him know what is going to happen when I get the chance. Sometimes I completely assault him, and take what I want. That sounds bad, but he never complains.Occasionally if I am allowed, I just masturbate until he can’t keep his hands off of me. Other times I am seductive, and I go all out getting ready for him. I don’t really see that as asking. I know when he sees me, there is no question, just a matter of time.
I’ve narrowed it down to three situations where I am truly asking. 1, like in the other post, when he is asleep 2, when he is working, and I know he is going to have to shuffle some things around for me, and 3, when we are some sort of public venue, and I need him to be on board.
Then I started thinking about him asking. I came to the conclusion he never asks either. Not really. He either assaults me in the most perfect ways, or he “asks” in his Dom voice, and that isn’t really a request either. If it ever is, I can’t see myself ever turning him down. Even when I am angry I don’t withhold sex. My mommy taught me that. There was never a time where my dad was kicked out of his bed. But back to the topic at hand.
In my analysis I’ve come to the realization, that neither of us has really ever said no. I don’t even say no when he asks me to go again. I’d never put my “don’t touch me” pajamas on after I knew he was wanting some of this ( I just laughed at my use of that expression). Which has sparked more questions. Do you ever say no? Is it normal for us never to say no? This is what happens when you don’t discuss sex with friends, you end up turning to the blogging world. 🙂
And now the original question… How do you ask for sex?
Last night after I finished washing the dishes and putting my baby boy to bed, I showered. Then I put on my “no touching” pajamas. I am not the only one that has these right? Ya know the granny looking flannel ones. They aren’t sexy at all. I was fully prepared, to spend the evening catching up on my TV.
When Jackson came to bed, he looked at me an grunted acquiescing to my nightwear. He respects my “don’t touch me pajamas” unless the alter ego shows, and then, well, I have no choice, that is a more rare occurrence than my grabbing my “no” pj’s. I think he just dislikes the idea of my “no” pajamas. Who knows…
I was in bed watching, he was in bed reading, an hour later he turned off his light, and kissed me good night. Mid Castle, and right before bed time, I decide to check my e-mail. Then I decided to write a post I’ve been meaning to write forever. At this point Castle has gone off, and I am halfway through the news. It is way time for bed. Then I check my reader. Mistake one, I am browsing, and reading, and then I come across this. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have clicked, but I couldn’t help myself. I get all excited whenever I see a new post on Ken’s blog, just because, well, they are always so good, and hot, very hot. The untitled series def, hot. So I click. Mistake two.
I get into my reads, esp the good ones, I put myself in the space of the writer, and there I am. This time I am feeling his tongue on my nipples, followed by his teeth sending ripples of pleasurable pain through me. I am hearing myself moan as he teases me between my legs, licking, biting, sucking my inner thighs, torturing me with anticipation.
Aw Fuck! I did it again. I can see my nipples stretching the flannel tank top. I can feel the dampness between my legs. I finish reading. I am sitting in bed hot, and bothered, and to my right is a sleeping lover that will fix my newly gained problem. I really shouldn’t wake him up. I should really get some sleep. I am really wet. Maybe it will go away.
I finish watching the news, and the late night show. It hasn’t gone away. I look at Jackson again, I want him, right now. I resign to wake him, he will live. I finish another quick e-mail, bitching about my little predicament. Shut down my compy, and put it away. I divest of my “no pj’s” and climb back into bed. It would be much easier if he would sleep on his back. Ah well. I snuggle up behind, moving my hand under his arm, to his chest.
“Baby” I say softly, nudging him. No response… “baby I need Thor”
“odd grunting sound”
I plead with him, while moving my mouth to his neck, kissing him, “please”
“jamaz”
“They are gone.” I say, sliding my hand down his chest, past his abs, and into his boxers.
He shifted to his back, looking at me, still half sleep. I moved quickly, a hint of a smile came across his face. He nodded, raising his hips off of the bed pushing his growing cock into my hand.
“thank you baby, I will be fast, promise” I said moving down the bed. Quickly releasing Thor and taking him into my waiting mouth, sucking him to life.
Jackson’s hand moved to left hand, holding it, letting me know he was with me, before a gasp escaped his lips, as I moved faster. Suddenly I dragged my teeth against him.
“mmFuck Sam!” sitting up on his palms. He glared at me, I smiled up at him.
Lifting my lips from his dick, “I need you awake.” I said softly, but before I could return Thor to my mouth Jackson had me on my stomach, my face, pressed into the pillow, and his lips against my ear.
“I’m awake.” he said, not so softly, nanoseconds later he slammed inside me from behind. My moans muffled by the pillow as he rammed into me, again and again, pulling my head up by my hair so I could breathe. Fucking my cunt so hard and as I promised, I was fast, the tingles came with the white lights, with the burst of fading colors as his teeth sank into my shoulder, sensations colliding, as he filled me.
Crap, I took a shower tonight so I wouldn’t have to take one in the morning. Ah well. Serves me right. I have to stop reading before bed.
I know, I know, it could be a long list, I get it. I just want to add one, that hits me like a brick wall sometimes.
Today was an odd day for me I had to stay late at work and Jackson picked up my baby boy from school. Maybe I should stop calling him my baby boy he is six. Anyway, when I got home with dinner I expected to hear “mama!” and my sons excitement from my arrival. I expected him to come running at me telling me what happened at school today. He didn’t, None of those things happened. I admit there was the smallest bit of regret for not being there to pick him up, when he didn’t greet me. Yet, I sat everything down on the kitchen island, and walked through the house looking for my boys. What I found was much more than a mom could ever ask.
When I found them, my son was sitting at his desk, doing his homework, frustrated at a math problem. Jackson was sitting on the desk, patient as ever, telling my son that not everything was going to be easy for him. That once he does it over and over again, he will be proud of himself that he did it, told him to try it again.
I moved out of the door way, and listened for a moment in the hall. “Is it twelve? he asked. I am guessing Jackson nodded because I just heard a “Yes!”
That brought the biggest smile to my face, and made me want to cry at the same time. I know they have their time together, and I know Jackson thinks of my baby as his own. To see it though, the raw moment of him being a father to my son. Not only did it make me love him so much more, but it just turned me on. That is what sexy looks like, not only the man he is, but the father he is.
I think I take that part of him for granted. When I was dating I immediately wanted to know how a guy felt about my mommy status. I never wanted to waste my time with men who were afraid of the challenge. The kid and I were a package. You couldn’t have one without the other.
I remember my heart stopped the first time my son called him daddy. It just came out while we were out shopping one day. The kid saw an ice cream cart,”daddy I want ice cream.” I will never forget it. My eyes I am sure flew out of my head. Jackson didn’t flinch. He just took his hand and they left my sitting on the bench, checking my receipt. I will have to find a special way to thank Jackson for all that he is to me and my baby. He has given me everything I ever could have wanted.
I thought about turning to some anonymous blog, but why do that, when I have all of you!
You know that moment when you are building, and building, and you are so close. Your breathing erratic, your mind is half way to some dark abyss of nothingness, and in that moment you are silently begging him with your eyes to let you come this time. Begging for him not to stop, ready to give your life for what you know will be seconds of seemingly unending bliss.
Then it begins, this cosmic burst of nerves, and pleasure, and good, so good, and you realize you can’t breathe. Your breath is caught somewhere in the back of your throat, caught somewhere in time. You want to breathe, but your body fights it, seemingly shutting down to feel every bit of THIS, every convulsion, every second of THIS, that seems to keep going, and going, with new sensations of cold, and hot, and tingles, and bright bright starry lights, and you’re dying to feel air in your lungs again, but this feels so good, and suddenly you inhale so deeply you seem to lose your breath again, because you can’t seem to get enough of it, you began hyperventilating, then his arms.
His arms are there around you, consoling you, bringing you back to equilibrium. His arm are there to bring you back to the here, and the now. You cry. You cry because it is over, you cry because it happened, you cry because of what he can do to you, you cry because he possesses you, you cry because you are no longer your own person, you cry because you love him, you cry because you’d do anything to feel THIS again. You cry because you have no earthly idea how you got from the couch to your bed, or how long you’ve been here.
Ah, reason has returned. The tears have subsided, and his thumbs are wiping the last of them away. When you look at him, the look he gives you, that look that can only be seen in moments like these, that look that makes you love him that much more. You kiss him, a kiss him full of reverence, gratitude, lust, but mostly love. This kiss, that moves you again, not to achieve THAT feeling, but just to be one with him again.
wait wait… that was not the point of this post, my goodness can I go on and on…
I am asking a question. Question is, has anyone ever fainted mid-orgasm?
I literally thought I was going to pass out from oxygen deprivation. I am used to being breathless for a few moments, but for some reason this time, it just seemed to go on forever. Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining. I just wonder considering there was no breath play involved at all, if anyone has passed out… do tell.
Now that I’ve written, today is Tuesday, and I get to play by myself. mas
I have the best mother in the world. Let me tell you why.
I am sitting in bed with my laptop about to make a post about how sick and tired I am of being quiet. Every year I have to adjust and it is such a pain. Then my phone rings.
It is my dear mother.
She tells me that she wants to spend some time with her grandson. So I hand my son the phone. I hear him talking.
…”a football game?”
…”with the marching band?” his face is lighting up
…”what about grandpa?”
…”Yes!”
…”okay I will pack…here mama” (I got the phone back)
He is spending the weekend with Grandma and Grandpa! They have a fun-filled weekend planned with high school football tonight, and then off to see the Cougars play tomorrow night. Now although I am more of an NFL gal, and a Sooners fan. I am so excited!
I have two nights. Two nights and I am almost positive my dom will be present for both of them. More so, I will be free to let my Sub Flag fly. Free to scream, cry, beg, yell, whimper, and enjoy all I want! Free to wake up the next morning and appreciate all the bruises and marks I hope to get. Sweet freedom I tell you. Sweet Freedom!
Now off to assume a fave position…
