When One Starts to Salivate…

It usually is an indicator of hunger. Today though, I wasn’t hungry. I  know I  wasn’t because I asked myself if I can was hungry as I passed a Chik-fil-a and a whataburger and an IHOP. I passed them and thought I don’t want any of that in my mouth. What I really want to taste is that tang of a pre-cum moving across my tongue. 

When your mouth waters for a cock, you know you really need Sir.

I Turn Myself On

This evening I cracked open the moleskine journal. My God I love this thing. Anyway, I  started writing then went back into it and read some of my previous prose. It was so hot I just got done jumping my husband. Reading isn’t normally considered foreplay right eh?

This Damn BDSM Thing

I love my life.  It, like every other life is full of ups and downs,  crazy plummets, and wickedly disastrous turns.  Wiitwd plays a large role in the day to day,  and every blue moon I wish I could go back and say no to my first spanking. I wish I hadn’t gotten so fucking turned on when he wrapped my hair around his wrist making my scalp prickle with pain.  

But I did,  and all these years later I still don’t quite understand why when my husband looks at me certain way whilst rolling up his sleeves my heart beats faster.  

I’m  not normal.  Sometimes I want to be,  but I can’t because of this damn BDSM thing.

A New Year

School has commenced,  and it has been one of the best years already.  The bad part… I’ve come to make myself write something.  I  refuse to allow myself to stop even though writing has taken a back burner again.  
Hope to have the time to write something more later.  
Until then… enjoy an orgasm 

I’m Not Fat Shaming

I haven’t posted in far too long again. Then today, I  had something to talk about. The first thing that came to my mind was ‘oh I hope no one jumps down my throat about fat shaming’. Let me just say that was sad. 

Living in a society where one has to second guess what they post to their blog is pretty… ugh. Moving on.

A while back I wrote on how I had let myself go. I decided to do The Whole30 which is going well, but this week I came to realize just how far I had gone. 

I’ve always struggled with my weight. I got it under control in middle school, and when I had my son things got a little back out of hand. Yet, I was able to wrangle myself back in.  Fast forward to this week when I’m at a water park, and I  actually looked at the weight restrictions of the ride before I got on.  

I was well beneath the max of course, but the fact is… I looked, and in that moment I was ashamed of my body.  I was ashamed that I was wearing a one piece.  

Then we went to dinner,  and we are sitting across from a lady eating a blooming onion. She had to weigh a good 300-350 lbs. I’m looking at her terrified that I could have actually turned into that had I not stopped.  Honestly,  Jackson would likely step in before I really got that unhealthy,  but I am noticing the mental shifts happening with this cleanse. 

I want to be healthy,  and I do not want to be fat. I was on the road to ensuring the exact opposite- unhealthy and fat. 

I think I’m going to hire a personal trainer for my workouts starting in September.  I don’t think my current routine is doing enough for me.  

That is all. 

Beautiful Pain

I don’t consider myself a masochist. I  don’t love pain. In fact in most cases I avoid it at all costs. For example, my epidural was the first thing I paid for when I found out I was pregnant. Best $99 I’ve ever spent. 

Yet, when Sir makes it hurt, he makes it hurt so fucking good. 

I’m happily soaking in my soreness. Happy hump day!

Abstinence Sucks Nasty Balls Day 8

I still haven’t brought myself to fully write about my conversation with Sir last week. Which in turn has kept me a little closed off here. A lot of my emotions over the last week is tied to what is going on us Us.

So here is a bit of a run down. I haven’t had an orgasm in 8 days!!!!

I would say that I am miserable, but it doesn’t quite cut it. While completely realizing that people live in chastity for insane amounts of time. I kind of feel like I am dying. This morning Sir used my mouth. That isn’t a phrase I use very often, because it doesn’t often fit our dynamic, but this morning he did. I’ve been used as a vessel on and off for the last week as punishment, and I almost want to cry.

I don’t cry. Though, I am getting there, and now I am wondering if that is what Sir is waiting on. I don’t know. I just know, that I am very much ready for this to end.