It usually is an indicator of hunger. Today though, I wasn’t hungry. I know I wasn’t because I asked myself if I can was hungry as I passed a Chik-fil-a and a whataburger and an IHOP. I passed them and thought I don’t want any of that in my mouth. What I really want to taste is that tang of a pre-cum moving across my tongue.
When your mouth waters for a cock, you know you really need Sir.
This evening I cracked open the moleskine journal. My God I love this thing. Anyway, I started writing then went back into it and read some of my previous prose. It was so hot I just got done jumping my husband. Reading isn’t normally considered foreplay right eh?
I love my life. It, like every other life is full of ups and downs, crazy plummets, and wickedly disastrous turns. Wiitwd plays a large role in the day to day, and every blue moon I wish I could go back and say no to my first spanking. I wish I hadn’t gotten so fucking turned on when he wrapped my hair around his wrist making my scalp prickle with pain.
But I did, and all these years later I still don’t quite understand why when my husband looks at me certain way whilst rolling up his sleeves my heart beats faster.
I’m not normal. Sometimes I want to be, but I can’t because of this damn BDSM thing.
School has commenced, and it has been one of the best years already. The bad part… I’ve come to make myself write something. I refuse to allow myself to stop even though writing has taken a back burner again.
Hope to have the time to write something more later.
Until then… enjoy an orgasm
I haven’t posted in far too long again. Then today, I had something to talk about. The first thing that came to my mind was ‘oh I hope no one jumps down my throat about fat shaming’. Let me just say that was sad.
Living in a society where one has to second guess what they post to their blog is pretty… ugh. Moving on.
A while back I wrote on how I had let myself go. I decided to do The Whole30 which is going well, but this week I came to realize just how far I had gone.
I’ve always struggled with my weight. I got it under control in middle school, and when I had my son things got a little back out of hand. Yet, I was able to wrangle myself back in. Fast forward to this week when I’m at a water park, and I actually looked at the weight restrictions of the ride before I got on.
I was well beneath the max of course, but the fact is… I looked, and in that moment I was ashamed of my body. I was ashamed that I was wearing a one piece.
Then we went to dinner, and we are sitting across from a lady eating a blooming onion. She had to weigh a good 300-350 lbs. I’m looking at her terrified that I could have actually turned into that had I not stopped. Honestly, Jackson would likely step in before I really got that unhealthy, but I am noticing the mental shifts happening with this cleanse.
I want to be healthy, and I do not want to be fat. I was on the road to ensuring the exact opposite- unhealthy and fat.
I think I’m going to hire a personal trainer for my workouts starting in September. I don’t think my current routine is doing enough for me.
That is all.
I don’t consider myself a masochist. I don’t love pain. In fact in most cases I avoid it at all costs. For example, my epidural was the first thing I paid for when I found out I was pregnant. Best $99 I’ve ever spent.
Yet, when Sir makes it hurt, he makes it hurt so fucking good.
I’m happily soaking in my soreness. Happy hump day!
I still haven’t brought myself to fully write about my conversation with Sir last week. Which in turn has kept me a little closed off here. A lot of my emotions over the last week is tied to what is going on us Us.
So here is a bit of a run down. I haven’t had an orgasm in 8 days!!!!
I would say that I am miserable, but it doesn’t quite cut it. While completely realizing that people live in chastity for insane amounts of time. I kind of feel like I am dying. This morning Sir used my mouth. That isn’t a phrase I use very often, because it doesn’t often fit our dynamic, but this morning he did. I’ve been used as a vessel on and off for the last week as punishment, and I almost want to cry.
I don’t cry. Though, I am getting there, and now I am wondering if that is what Sir is waiting on. I don’t know. I just know, that I am very much ready for this to end.