I haven’t posted in far too long again. Then today, I had something to talk about. The first thing that came to my mind was ‘oh I hope no one jumps down my throat about fat shaming’. Let me just say that was sad.
Living in a society where one has to second guess what they post to their blog is pretty… ugh. Moving on.
A while back I wrote on how I had let myself go. I decided to do The Whole30 which is going well, but this week I came to realize just how far I had gone.
I’ve always struggled with my weight. I got it under control in middle school, and when I had my son things got a little back out of hand. Yet, I was able to wrangle myself back in. Fast forward to this week when I’m at a water park, and I actually looked at the weight restrictions of the ride before I got on.
I was well beneath the max of course, but the fact is… I looked, and in that moment I was ashamed of my body. I was ashamed that I was wearing a one piece.
Then we went to dinner, and we are sitting across from a lady eating a blooming onion. She had to weigh a good 300-350 lbs. I’m looking at her terrified that I could have actually turned into that had I not stopped. Honestly, Jackson would likely step in before I really got that unhealthy, but I am noticing the mental shifts happening with this cleanse.
I want to be healthy, and I do not want to be fat. I was on the road to ensuring the exact opposite- unhealthy and fat.
I think I’m going to hire a personal trainer for my workouts starting in September. I don’t think my current routine is doing enough for me.
That is all.