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Fear

I have been immobilized by fear. Yesterday, I sat in a professional development training, and I mentioned something about writing. My table-mate looked at me in wonder and said “You want to write?” Well of course!! I’ve always wanted to write, isn’t that what English teachers do– we read and we write. He then proceeds to tell me that I should write. I should write a book or a blog or something. Then it dawned on me I did write. I do have a blog, but I let this beautiful part of myself whither away because of my new love of an occupation. In December of 2014 I wrote this post about my first semester teaching.

As an educator I am terrified of somehow being “outed”. My life as a submissive, as a wife, a lover, a writer has taken a backseat to this job. It is downright disgusting. I sit and I wonder how many professionals actually have to worry about losing their jobs for legal activities outside of the workplace. It isn’t fair, and it isn’t right.

So I have a new vow. To come back to me. One piece at a time, I will rebuild the woman I used to be. Starting here. My readers occasional readers have probably gone, and all I can do is hope to forge new bonds, and new memories with those that decide to grace my pages with their eyes and comments.

I must stop being so afraid.

 

7 thoughts on “Fear

  1. We work with kids, too. I know exactly what you’re feeling. Now that I’m working full time it feels as though I have no time for anything. It’s a weird mix of feelings. Bottom line…do what you love and the rest works itself out.

  2. Always put a time aside to write. You have a lovely fresh voice that wants/ demands to be heard. I for one have enjoyed it and would be sad if it took a year off or what have you. So put aside time to write each day, of every second day, and teach yourself to think of every tiny detail that’s appropriate to said blog so you can share it.

    Try not to get scared about being outed, there’s no point in it. People will either love you or hate you and that’s the same everywhere. Try to think of it as being proud, of being awakened where others are not! If you ever never need a stern talking to, feel free to shoot me an email!

    • Lol, yes I could tell very quickly you’d be good at providing a stern talking to. Your Dominant voice comes through loud and clear. I swear sometimes you all just can’t help it. (Which of course is a good thing.)
      My goal is to post at least once every 48 hours. So far so good.
      I’m glad you’ve enjoyed reading. Such comments are invigorating. I appreciate the support.

  3. I haven’t usually worried so much about being outted due to work, but I definitely know what it feels like to let work get in the way of things I enjoy. Regrettably, I didn’t realise the impact until I became unemployed! I’ve been on a mission to get back to the things I love and finding a new pace of life. I’m looking forward to reading more from you!

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