I have been immobilized by fear. Yesterday, I sat in a professional development training, and I mentioned something about writing. My table-mate looked at me in wonder and said “You want to write?” Well of course!! I’ve always wanted to write, isn’t that what English teachers do– we read and we write. He then proceeds to tell me that I should write. I should write a book or a blog or something. Then it dawned on me I did write. I do have a blog, but I let this beautiful part of myself whither away because of my new love of an occupation. In December of 2014 I wrote this post about my first semester teaching.
As an educator I am terrified of somehow being “outed”. My life as a submissive, as a wife, a lover, a writer has taken a backseat to this job. It is downright disgusting. I sit and I wonder how many professionals actually have to worry about losing their jobs for legal activities outside of the workplace. It isn’t fair, and it isn’t right.
So I have a new vow. To come back to me. One piece at a time, I will rebuild the woman I used to be. Starting here. My readers occasional readers have probably gone, and all I can do is hope to forge new bonds, and new memories with those that decide to grace my pages with their eyes and comments.
I must stop being so afraid.