They say bad things happen in threes. Over the last three weeks my family has been struck by tragedy after tragedy. After the second I simply waited for the third not allowing myself to grieve fully from the losses we were having to endure. Oddly enough when the third finally manifested itself there was a sense of relief.
I wonder how many of us have wished death upon another. Not the random in anger “I wish you were dead,” but really wishing someone was no longer on the earth with everyone else. Have you ever had that wish come true? You would think you would be happy, but instead there is a guilt for ever wishing it in the first place.
Death has always been a part of life to me. I’ve never been overly sad about it. Simply thankful for the fact that I am still here. More so thankful for those that I still have around me. What I couldn’t have expected ever was to be hit so hard by the death of someone I didn’t care about. To grieve so deeply for someone else losing someone they love. To mourn the loss of a relationship they won’t be able to cultivate fully.
Tonight I decided that I was done feeling guilty. I am done mourning. I will simply do as I always have, and be thankful. I will be thankful that even though my family has gotten a tad bit smaller, those that I depend on for strength to get through each day are still here.