Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?
Day 14 of 30 days of kink.
I am sitting confined to an airplane. So why not write, right? PS I will never fly US airways again. I digress. The topic for day 14 is the difference between fantasy kink and the real thing.
So I got to thinking, what is considered fantasy kink? There couple probably be a few answers to that question but I figured I would focus on three. One the world of cyber-sex, and the kinkiness that inhabits it. Two the fantasy that comes from the printed word, and then three, the fantasies that play out in our minds.
So the questions remains, what are the main differences. The foremost difference of course is the sensations. You could be fucking yourself into two weeks from Sunday with a grade a vibrating dildo, using all the fantasies you have in your mind. Yet you can’t create the sensations that come from serving a master can you? Well of course not, but you may have something better.
While I was considering this topic it made me think of a couple of poems. One of which is “They Say That Hope is Happiness” by Lord Byron. The other poem is Ode on a Grecian Urn” by John Keats. In “They Say That Hope is Happiness”, Byron writes about the hope that we humans have. How it is always what we can’t have that we want. Our fantasies have the ability to engulf us from reality if we let it. How does this British poet relate to the world of KINK?
Look at it this way, a big difference between fantasy kink in our heads, is that in our mind we glorify it, We make it to what we want it to be. In fantasy there is never a bad lover. You skip the moments where you are gassy, or, you body doesn’t cooperate the way you necessarily want it to.
In reality you have the hot, the sexy, the amazing fucks that leave you with the shakes (aren’t those amazing), along with the not so hot, not so sexy, not so amazing The two are not mutually exclusive. In fact I dare to claim that in most heavily kinky relationships you come to appreciate the bad timing. The bodily functions that simply bring you closer together. Who else would you share that part of yourself with?
Now onto Keats, in “Ode on a Grecian Urn” Keats the speaker is talking to a young man who has died a virgin. He is stuck on this urn with his lover just out of reach. They will never be able to copulate. They will never be able to know the ecstasy that so many of us know.
Keats however tells this young virgin that he has it good. That he will always have this moment in life right before you get there. Why? Because sometimes once you get it, it simply isn’t all that it is cracked up to be. There is a reason for the saying “I will try anything twice.” It is because so many of us, have fantasized about something, anything, and when we finally have what we have dreamed of, it is let down. In our minds, in our fantasies, just like Byron said, we have come to glorify it.
So in a slightly large nutshell the biggest difference is that in fantasy, everything is perfect. In reality you take the good the bad and the ugly. Yes sometimes it is ugly. Those amazing times, though, they make those other times so very worth it.