Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
Questions like this is why I have enjoyed doing this little project. Voluntary self analysis can be entertaining, fun, and soul searching. I am not separating the questions in my answer, I am allowing the words to come with this one.
The ability to surrender all control is what appeals to me most. Secondly, that my relationship is mine alone, no one else has one quite like it. I am one hell of a strong independent (when I want to be) woman (toot toot). I have been in complete control of my life since I went to college at seventeen. I made every single decision. I’d consult my parents, or my friends, but the final say was mine. I loved it!
When in a relationship though, things are different. In my old fashioned, progressive, but still very sexist views, a woman has her role, her place in a relationship. My place is in submission to my man. My role is to take care of him so that he can take care of me. My role is to earn his love and respect. I must endeavor to please him, to make him happy as much as I can. My role is to be committed and devoted to him. My role is to love and support him . To tell him respectfully if he is wrong, but to support the finality of his decisions in his life, mine, and our lives together. My role is to submit to him in almost everything. I say almost everything not because I would “put my foot down,” when it comes to certain things. I say almost because of the role I feel a man should play in a relationship.
A man should be the epitome of strength, physically and emotionally. I honestly can’t stand to see a man cry. To me it is a sign of weakness and should only happen in response to certain life events or extreme pain (that is another post). A man has the opportunity and means to rule a woman with an iron fist. A man could belittle, destroy, beat, and weaken a woman to her core to gain her submission.
A good man, would not need or want to. (Is that some sort of proverb written down some place?) A good man has earned the love, submission, and respect of his woman. He has earned this by supporting her wants, needs, and desires. He listens to her and values her opinions. He has earned this by loving her and taking care of her. He has earned this by being selfless. A good man believes his happiness is directly tied to the happiness of his woman.
When I have a good man, I have the innate need to surrender myself to him. To place my mind, body, and soul on an altar as a sacrifice for him to do with as he pleases. I want to kneel beneath him, feeling him tower above me. I want to feel his strength. I want to worship at his feet. I want to be lead around the house with my collar on, knowing he owns me. I want to worship his cock, and all the pleasure that he brings me. I want to share in every fantasy he has. I want him to take his rightful place as the Dominant in my life.
I am so turned on right now. I have to quit writing when I am at work.