I received a message in which a new submissive wanted to know what subspace and aftercare was. Talk about a loaded question. So as promised I am posting here in response.
I assume that both of the subjects are relative to those whom are involved. I believe there are different degrees of it. I can say I experience two types, one when he is denying my orgasm. It is a place of intense sensation, hypersensitivity, and psychological torture for me. It feels good and it hurts and eventually I am gone. It is hard to describe. I don’t pass out, I am there but I am gone.
The other Subspace for me is a dangerous place to be. It is a time in which I have no control over anything in my body. I am aware of what he is doing to me. I am not aware of how much it hurts. I am not questioning the bruises that will come. All that matters in that moment is that I am pleasing him. Whatever it is he is doing to me, he wants it, and I do not have the mental faculties to object or wish otherwise. Dangerous because to me, he could go down my list of hard limits scratching them off one by one, and I wouldn’t care. Subspace is bliss. A different type of bliss.With that said, I think subspace is different for ever sub, as each person is different. This is why to me, finding a compatible dominant is so very important. Which leads me to our next subject.
Again it is all relative. There are hard scenes, and light scenes, sensual scenes, and everything in between. All of these can require aftercare. There is both physical and psychological care needed. In the midst of a scene chemical changes within the body can occur. There are sometimes endorphins released. Endorphins are a natural drug. Think of it as a high. You must give your body time to come down. Otherwise, you have withdrawal symptoms. After a particularly hard scene other physical needs need tending to. You may be hungry, you are often thirsty. All of these fall under aftercare of the physical.
Psychological aftercare is the cuddling, the hugging, the kissing, the approval you feel when he says “good girl” or “you have pleased me.” It is when I am full of sobs from everything he put me through, and now he consoles me. All of these secure you, they bring you back into the realms of reality, the real world as it were. Personally sometimes aftercare is fulfilled by his making love to me. The connection is powerful, it mends me. Not to beat the phrase, but it is all relative. I can not express how much of these aspects of a D/s relationship will depend on the D/s. I’ve heard of Dom’s sending a sub away in shackles, kicking them out the front door when they were done with them. Although this would be shattering and hurtful for me, it seems to work for others.Again compatibility is vital I feel. My sir knows what I need and I leave it to him.
In addition, I have no idea how or if a Dom experiences Domspace 🙂 I do believe my Sir has his own version of aftercare. It includes caring for me, but after a hard scene is when he is most open with me. We talk for hours, it is a like peek into the depths of his mind that he doesn’t always share with me.
Now I open this post up to all sorts of comments. Reflecting on my experiences makes me wonder about others. What is subspace for you? What do you need during aftercare?
Hey doms! Do you experience some sort of DomSpace? Do you too need aftercare?