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SubSpace and AfterCare

I received a message in which a new submissive wanted to know what subspace and aftercare was. Talk about a loaded question. So as promised I am posting here in response.


I assume that both of the subjects are relative to those whom are involved. I believe there are different degrees of it. I can say I experience two types, one when he is denying my orgasm. It is a place of intense sensation, hypersensitivity, and psychological torture for me. It feels good and it hurts and eventually I am gone. It is hard to describe. I don’t pass out, I am there but I am gone.

The other Subspace for me is a dangerous place to be. It is a time in which I have no control over anything in my body. I am aware of what he is doing to me. I am not aware of how much it hurts. I am not questioning the bruises that will come. All that matters in that moment is that I am pleasing him. Whatever it is he is doing to me, he wants it, and I do not have the mental faculties to object or wish otherwise.  Dangerous because to me, he could go down my list of hard limits scratching them off one by one, and I wouldn’t care. Subspace is bliss. A different type of bliss.With that said, I think subspace is different for ever sub, as each person is different. This is why to me, finding a compatible dominant is so very important. Which leads me to our next subject.


Again it is all relative. There are hard scenes, and light scenes, sensual scenes, and everything in between. All of these can require aftercare. There is both physical and psychological care needed. In the midst of a scene chemical changes within the body can occur. There are sometimes endorphins released. Endorphins are a natural drug. Think of it as a high. You must give your body time to come down. Otherwise, you have withdrawal symptoms. After a particularly hard scene other physical needs need tending to. You may be hungry, you are often thirsty. All of these fall under aftercare of the physical.

Psychological aftercare is the cuddling, the hugging, the kissing, the approval you feel when he says “good girl” or “you have pleased me.” It is when I am full of sobs from everything he put me through, and now he consoles me.  All of these secure you, they bring you back  into the realms of reality, the real world as it were.  Personally sometimes aftercare is fulfilled by his making love to me. The connection is powerful, it mends me.  Not to beat the phrase, but it is all relative. I can not express how much of these aspects of a D/s relationship will depend on the D/s. I’ve heard of Dom’s sending a sub away in shackles, kicking them out the front door when they were done with them. Although this would be shattering and hurtful for me, it seems to work for others.Again compatibility is vital I feel. My sir knows what I need and I leave it to him.

In addition, I have no idea how or if a Dom experiences Domspace 🙂 I do believe my Sir has his own version of aftercare. It includes caring for me, but after a hard scene is when he is most open with me. We talk for hours, it is a like peek into the depths of his mind that he doesn’t always share with me.

Now I open this post up to all sorts of comments. Reflecting on my experiences makes me wonder about others. What is subspace for you? What do you need during aftercare?

Hey doms! Do you experience some sort of DomSpace? Do you too need aftercare?


15 thoughts on “SubSpace and AfterCare

    • That explains a lot. I read on some blog, somewhere that a D/s relationship is always evolving. One of the things I love about WIITWD (an excuse to use community linguistics) is that things are always changing. I am always learning. When I think I know, I have no idea. 🙂

  1. Not surprising I am alot like you. I know that doesn’t help much. lol
    One time when we were playing hard I went into that zone. I wanted more and more. I knew I should of felt pain but I didn’t I just felt pleasure… an exquisite pleasure I never felt before. It was bliss.
    He took care of me afterwards and that morning but then I had to leave and that is when the subdrop happened, not that day but a day later. I had no idea what was happening. It sucked but thankfully we were able to talk about it and deal with it together. It was a learning experience for the both of us. 🙂

    • Submissive Doppelganger I swear! I from what I can recall have never experienced a significant subdrop. Occasionally I have a sad longing for him, like I do now. That usually only happens when he is away for too long. (which isn’t long at all) I swear I start having withdrawals after the 24 hour mark. Maybe that is my subdrop manifesting itself, shrugs

      Isn’t it fun to learn new things!

      • Maybe its easier not to have a major subdrop when you live together. I do get the sadness if you are apart after the 24 hour mark.
        Who knows all I know is that we are prepared for it if it happens again. I know for me I know the warning signs and can let him know if I need him to intervene.
        As for submissive doppel-thingamajigy I so agree with you…been there since day one. 🙂

  2. Pingback: What Topspace Looks Like (A Love Letter To Leigh) | The Dom Next Door

  3. We do have a topspace, yes, as was already stated before.
    And yes, topdrop sucks.
    There is also this terrible primal state -been there once or twice, hard to tell.

  4. I have found my Master and he is everything I want and need he has arranged me a flat of my own near him because he is married I didn’t intend to be a bit on the side but he is ideal for me am I wrong I don’t want to hurt anyone

  5. My Master (husband) and I actually came to this idea when I brought it to him with all the information and books I felt like he would need to understand what I was thinking about when I approached him with the Idea of making this the style of our relationship. He is a dominant man by nature. Very Masculine and very sexy. We started this adventure after being married for five years and a couple for eight. Honestly I had never thought of this life style much at all but I noticed how much I was desiring him to be more dominant with time. Whenever in our lives together I have given him control to do as he sees fit it has been the best times, memories etc. He is perfect for me in this lifestyle. He knows everything about me on every level and always has. He was not surprised when I came to him asking for this. And when He drops me its amazing and I trust him on the deepest level. This took our love and made it explode into supernova status. And sometimes the aftercare is the best part. When he is touching me and cleaning me etc the love pours out of him so beautiful. It saddens me to hear when this sort of bond is abused because it can be so epic.

  6. Great post

    You said: “The other Subspace for me is a dangerous place to be. Dangerous because to me, he could go down my list of hard limits scratching them off one by one, and I wouldn’t care”

    Recognized that one right away. That’s the peak of the endorphin ladder. In the endorphin ladder, we would call that rungs five, six and seven. Locally, we differentiate between “subspace” and “flying”. Subspace in anything on the lower rungs. There is a workshop for “the endorphin ladder” but most people just figure it out themselves without learning the chemicals and their triggers.

    One comment on aftercare. A lot of times you may get a scene but then don’t see the person the next day. I consider it to be a Dominant responsibility to require contact of any kind the next day, a call, a text, an email, something, so that you can be on the receiving end of what ever may come out later. Even if its not in person, it still helps to insist that it be poured out, if it happens.

    • I am going to have to go back and read this post to respond fully. Though I can already agree that the contact after a scene would be ideal, and I have been enlightened a bit towards the chemical processes involved in play a bit more since writing the post.

      Thank you so much for commenting!

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